I seem to go into “mode” really easily. You know what I mean, when someone you love is expected home at a certain time, and that time passes, and then a little more time passes, and they still aren’t there?
For some reason, this circumstance brings out the warrior in me. My survival instincts kick into high gear and I get very calm and rational. I imagine the worst case scenario – car accident if they’re driving – and then work my way back towards what is the most likely. I make inquiries, phone calls or emails etc. Last resort is phoning the authorities to discover any traffic accidents or ambulance calls etc.
This happened tonight with my daughter, but it has happened with my husband and other family members in the past. It only takes about half an hour past the time they should be home, or in contact by phone, that I commence a plan and take action.
I am very calm during this time. Sherlock Holmes would be very envious of my deductive skills.
But once I hear their voice, or the car in the driveway, that’s when I lose it.
I look at most things in life this way. If I imagine it – losing this person completely – then it probably won’t happen. It’s only the unexpected that really becomes a terrifying truth. You never expect the midnight phone call do you? But by expecting or imagining the worst, I seem to be able to interfere with the horrible outcomes, and so far nothing catastrophic has occurred for me in this way.
Luck? Destiny? Chance?
Whatever it is, I’ll take it. As long as my loved ones stay safely in their present forms and aren’t taken from this realm. I’m not ready to be a widow, or a parent who lives longer than their child. But I suppose I would handle it if it came to that. But I am grateful I don’t have to.